13/9/06

// feeling :: blessed!
// prayer for :: increasing faith, breakthroughs, heart of love, mercy and anoiting!

I was reading many blogs today. More than usual. I came upon Jonathan's [W229] and Lynn's [N304] blogs. I suddenly decided to look through my spiritual journey thats more or less recorded in my previous posts.

I saw many things. But the most significant thing that struck me from Jon and Lynn's blog was that God never fails, God ALWAYS delivers. God is not a confused God, and God is an abundant God.

I came upon my old entry a few months back; it was about some reflections of mine. I saw the sentence "God has been blessing me so much. It makes me feel guilty that I'm just soaking in all the glory and anoiting but what am I giving back to God?"

I love God, and I love the people around me. I'm so much closer to God after a few months in CHC than I was in my ex-churches. God gave me so much. What am I giving back to Him? Complaints of a non-perfect life? Reluctance to step into ministry, do more than the minimum?

I want a life that's pleasing to God, and I want to also give Him everything I can. But the things I'm doing now shows others and myself that I seem to be doing it just for the BLESSINGS of God; just for the "benefits".

I dont want to be that way. I dont want God to serve me. I mean, sure, I do want God to prosper me. But I want to uphold His name too. I mean, I love Jesus..I love Him so much but it seems as though . . . I'm not doing anything that makes me even 1% worthy of the blessings that He's lavishing on me even at this moment.

God is a wonderful God. He truly is. I want to stop being a thinker and planner, and become a mover and shaker. I'LL BE A WOMAN OF GOD. And cease soaking up all the glory and take advantage of the fact that He's a merciful God.

You are the strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all!

I'm sorry Lord for treating You that way. From now on You have my word; I AM going to change.